February 15th, 2004

Why Me? Penguin


Well, I had a good Valentine's Day all in all, despite being broke as a joke Daniel bought me two roses from a street vendor while he was out doing his morning runs this morning for work, yes he works Saturdays (8-5 to be exact) so it kind of sucks being alone all day on Saturdays,but then it is kind of nice as I get a lot of computer time! ;-)

rainpuddle13 changed her background and colors a bit and I want to as well... what to do though? I will have to think on it!

There is a good possibility of snow this week! Yay!
Why Me? Penguin

Small Towns, Big Dreams

I am listening to "Life Happened" by Tammy Cochran. The song has had a big impact on me.

You see, I have a habit of living in my head...

I think I am bad at being pragmatic and from my experience people who are pragmatic do lead happier lives. Satisfying yourself with small victories and setting realistic goals is a part of getting by in this world I guess.

Lots of times though I still want to chase my dreams and I keep thinking that everyday I put it off is one more day that I concede defeat. There has to be a better way to think of it, but I haven't found it yet.

This song is very upbeat about it all, but sometimes I find it hard to be. I am currently young enough to try my hand at something else, but I am a fraidy cat and now I have a husband and a house and a bunch of things I wouldn't want to give up for a shot at something that probably wouldn't work out anyway.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Am I living in my head too much? Am I just being whiny and unrealistic? What if I really have talent that is going to waste?

I think it is a function of growing up in a small town... While I was never popular or athletic I was the drama queen in high school and everyone knew me because of drama class and the plays. I was smart, but most people knew me because I was the lead in just about everything (Juliet, Lady MacBeth, Madame Popov, etc.). I always wanted to try, well, you know acting (among other things).

I have a friend whose husband is the same way. He started out as a theatre major and when he decided to become a history major instead his parents refused to pay for school, they were convinced he could be a star. Now he has friends who have moved to the West Coast to try their luck and other friends who have traveled abroad etc. People who, in short, aren't afraid to chase their dreams. Andy and I constantly lament our own fate when we hear their stories, while my friend chides us both for not doing something more proactive about our dreams.

Here are the lyrics if you're interested:

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Why Me? Penguin

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Compliments of kirixchi:

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results
Warmth ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Intellect ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||| 50%
Aggressiveness ||||||||||||||| 46%
Liveliness |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Dutifulness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Social Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Paranoia ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Abstractness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Introversion |||||||||||| 38%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Independence ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Perfectionism ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Tension ||||||||||||||||||||| 66%
Take Free 16pf based Personality Test

Just watched the Daytona 500, must say I am very dissatisfied with the results...

Wanting to be lazy and enjoy what is left of my weekend!
Why Me? Penguin

Politics as usual...

Okay I wasn't going to post this on my journal, because it wasn't an issue I felt the need to address. Personally, I am married but prefer to think of my relationship as a civil union, marriage is after all essentially a contract between two people and while the contract is different for each couple, ultimately the promise is the same -- to love and help each other for the rest of their lives together.

So no, I don't think anyone who so desires should be condemened for or omitted from making that kind of promise...

As I said I wasn't going to post this but certain right-wing specific posts have made me realize that there are a lot of people out there who believe in only one way of living life and that is just sad.

Whatever your beliefs, and I am fairly conservative, please don't subscribe to the notion that there is only one way.

Marriage is love.

Somehow, no matter what I say on this issue it couldn't accurately reflect the full range of feelings I have on the subject.

In real life I have numerous gay and lesbian friends and I can't see why their sexuality is an issue at all, as Meryl Streep said not long ago, I have trouble believing that there are too many peole in the world who want to pledge their love to one another (obviously that isn't exactly what she said, but you get the idea?).
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